Rainbow Baby

During our five and a half month NICU adventure... or 159 days if you want to be exact..... our family was on the receiving end of so much goodness. I truly wish I could have/would have made a note to highlight every single package....card......blanket.... and picture drawn, but I didn't. Not wanting to make excuses for myself, but it was a pretty crazy couple of month.

However, one particular package struck a cord.

 I received a message from some long time friends from high school asking for my address. A few days later, I received a "sunshine package" from Mandy and Kalyn. The package was full of "all things yellow"... like; Juicy Fruit gum, Sour patch Kids, Yellow body wash, a yellow lufa sponge... etc. As I was unwrapping this package alone in my Ronald McDonald room, each unwrapped item made me smile... and lifted a little bit of burden. But when I got to the bottom of the package, I found an outfit. A onesie that read, "After every storm there is a rainbow of hope. Here I am." The onesie came decorated with a rainbow tutu and bow. 

"After every storm, there is a rainbow of hope. Here I am!"

It's hard to put into words what that moment meant to me. I remember just crying while holding this outfit. Clutching it to my body... hoping... almost begging to whatever or whoever was listening, that Dalley would live so she could wear it.

 After sitting there for a few minutes... the thought hit me like a ton of bricks.  "Holy crap. They actually think she's going to live..... "

I think at that point, everyone's hopes were probably higher than mine were that the NICU was going to be successful for us. 

My next thought was, "Geez. The bow is as big as she is. Will she ever grow enough to wear it?"

 

I tucked the outfit away... anxiously hoping and awaiting the day she could wear it. That day, I made a promise to myself, while popping my 5th piece of juicy fruit gum, that I would document our rainbow baby... in that outfit. 

So.. we did....Even if Dalley thinks tule is as uncomfortable as I do. 

Dalley is our rainbow baby. Our rainbow baby....times 5. A rainbow baby that has bent light so fiercely into our world that not a day goes by when Adam and I look at her and say in disbelief, "I can't believe she's here. I can't believe she made it."

 

The fact of the matter is, Dalley is not our first born. She has three big sisters. Those three big sisters will always be acknowledged in our lives.

Before Dalley was born, we were frequently asked the question, "So do you guys have any kids?"..... Now the popular question is, "Is she your first?"

Most of the time I acknowledge the triplets.... and most of the time, the reality of their existence in Heaven is met with sorrow.... or possibly annoyance. It can be a major mood killer. 

So......Once I said, "No, we don't have any kids."

One time... that's all it took. I felt my heart break. Because it was a lie. At that point, I did have kids. 

I pictured in my mind three little girls standing next to me.... with broken and sad faces, because their mom didn't have the courage to tell the truth, all for fear that she might "offend" or "annoy" somebody with the truth.

I can tell you, we do not acknowledge them to get attention or to invite people to a pity party. We acknowledge them because they are ours. 

And I can't say for sure... I don't think anyone can, but I'd like to think they played a role in keeping Dalley here.

I talk about the people that have moved on from this world, because, if I don't talk about them... who will. I LOVE talking about them. I love telling stories of my Dad. I love reminiscing about my Mom and kicking myself for not learning more from her. And I love talking about my babies. 

Those that have moved on... and the one that is here... puking on me on a daily basis and filling my heart with so much joy that it's hard to believe it could even beat before she was in it.

So.... we take on the challenges of each day. 

We are currently battling:

 -A severe case of eczema. 

-SEVERE oral aversion.

-EXCESSIVE vomitting.

-All meals being eaten through a feeding tube in her stomach.

-BPD (bronchopulmonary dysplasia) of the lungs.

-High risk of lung disease.

-Oxygen requirements. 

-Bad case of cabin fever (Mom)

-Carb withdrawals (Mom

-Dairy withdrawals (Mom)

-End of the semester stresses (Dad)

But each of those battles seems so small compared to how far she has come. ... or I should say.... 

to how far WE have come.

And the journey is only getting sweeter.

My Mom is HILARIOUS. 

Except, she kisses me a lot.  

Maybe too much....



See what I mean!?

Okay LADY.... that's enough!

 Thank you for bringing a rainbow of Hope to so many.  

Keep up the good fight little girl! This world is worth it. And we can't wait to show it to you.

To my friend Adrie....

Thank you for willingly and joyfully capturing these moments for us. Thank you for your friendship. For crying tears of sorrow and joy with us. Thank you for bringing meaning to the phrase, "mourning with those that mourn."

You are a beautiful soul. 

And you take beautiful pictures.