4 pounds, the Lunch Lady and Hope

When I meet other parents here that have babies in the NICU, there is a conversation that is exchanged. It feels like how I would imagine a conversation taking place if I were to find myself in jail. "What are you in for?".... "How bad was it?"......."How long are you in for?"...... "How early were you?"

I have these conversations on a daily basis. I see babies and their parents come in after us.... and then go home before us. I have found myself envy parents whose babies made it farther than 24 weeks.... or whose babies didn't contract infections...... or who weighed more at delivery. Even though... I know that the NICU is still a VERY DIFFICULT experience for all of us. The NICU is a world all its own. In this world, I think we look for people who we can relate to... or whose experiences are similar to our own.

This is my friend Hollie. Hollie is Meela's mom. We have become really good friends in the NICU. I think we connected so well because we both know what it feels like to lose a baby (baby Meela was a twin and her brother is now a sweet little angel).... and we both know what it feels like to have one of the sickest babies in the NICU. Our babies have both been so sick that there didn't seem to be a lot of hope from the NICU staff that they would survive. Our conversations range from laughing uncontrollably to heavy conversations that are centered around loss and potential loss.

But there has been a shift in the air for me. There has been a shift in my heart.  I think the days shift for most people at some point. Somewhere in the past month, the good days have become more the norm.... and the bad days have become fewer and less catastrophic.

Conversations have shifted as well. The answer to my question of the likelihood of her survival has changed from "We are going to do everything we can" to "I can't guarantee anything, but I would be surprised if she doesn't make it at this point."

They were words that these sleep deprived and worried parents have been waiting for.

So..... I got brave. I went to the store with my sister-in-law Emilee (this required some moral support for some reason)... and I bought my first baby items. A bathtub and a grooming kit!!!!

I know.... I know.....The bravery is just exuding from me.... (Insert eye roll).

Dalley now weighs over 4 pounds. 4 lbs and 8 ounces as of March 18.

And today we get to celebrate this guy's birthday....

This gentle man. He is a perfectionist by nature. He's organized and tidy. He's quirky. He's hard on himself. He has a huge heart. He loves his family. He earned the nickname of "the lunch lady" because he cooked most meals and packed my lunches for work. He works hard... survives on little sleep.... and still manages to buoy me up when I need it. His faith is stronger than mine, but he doesn't put pressure on me to be somewhere that I'm not. I love this guy.

And he is already such a great dad.

First daddy daughter dance

As excited as I am to be a mother..... I am so excited to watch him be a father.

"I think we were both dreaming of ponies." -Dalley

So there it is..... Dalley hit 4 pounds..... the "lunch lady" hit another birthday..... and we all have hit a new level of hope.