I sometimes wish I were a more private person. The kind of person who is mysterious. The kind of person that can be walking through their own person Hell.... and you wouldn't know it because when you see them, they don't feel the need to wear their emotions so openly, or to talk about it for that matter.

Turns out...... I'm not that person. I wear my emotions on my sleeve. When people ask me "how are you?", I have no qualms with replying openly and honestly with, "I've been better."

I have always been a bit this way. Right or wrong... it's how I am. I can tell when I make people feel uncomfortable when I talk about things that they prefer I didn't. But the honest truth is... I think I need people. I need love and friendship on my dark and hard days. I need your strong shoulders to bolster me up when I am completely out of strength.

So here's another honest truth about me.

I'M PREGNANT! 

IT'S A GIRL!

AND I COULDN'T BE MORE TERRIFIED. 

Adam and I found out in July that we are pregnant. This is our fourth time being pregnant. Our fourth time peeing on a stick and seeing two pink lines. The only thing that makes this time different than the first 3 pregnancies, is that we WERE NOT trying to get pregnant. The truth is, I didn't think it was possible for us to get pregnant on our own (more on that another day), and yet here we are. 

I'll never forget that July day. Buying a pregnancy test. Going home. Taking the test and seeing two pink lines. My immediate reaction was that of excitement, but my logical brain quickly took over and my excitement turned to fear. Fear then turned to terror. 

What was I afraid of? And what am I still afraid of at this point in time? = PREECLAMPSIA.

We had triplets on December 4, 2015. I was only 20 weeks pregnant when it was discovered that I had developed such a severe case of preeclampsia that my organs were beginning to fail and I was at a risk of having a stroke or seizure at any moment. 

The decision had to be made to deliver the girls in order to save my life. To date, it was the hardest decision we have ever had to make. It's a decision I still think about and battle myself with on a daily basis. 20 weeks is way too early for a baby to survive so we named them Faith, Hope and Charity. They are our angels. 

But the thing is.... when you've had preeclampsia before, you are more likely to get it again. The likelihood of it returning is also contingent upon how severe you got it the first time and also how early in your pregnancy you got it. For me... it was VERY severe and VERY early.

This brings me to today.

I am now almost 23 weeks pregnant and my body is showing early signs of getting preeclampsia again. My blood pressure is starting to rise.  High blood pressure is one of the first signs of preeclampsia. My doctor (who I LOVE), Dr. Draper, has me on blood pressure medication and I am being monitored on a weekly basis for the signs that follow high blood pressure (protein in my urine, rapid weight gain and swelling). 

I am scared. I am worried. I need help.

These days I rely on the faith and positivity of others more than I want to admit. I am asking for your faith. I am asking for your prayers. I am asking for your positive thoughts and affirmations. I don't care your religious affiliation or lack thereof.. I am asking for help. 

My latest doctor appointment was on Friday, December 9, 2016. My doctor told me that he does believe I will get preeclampsia again. He also said he believes that he hopes and believes I will be able to make it to 30 weeks in my pregnancy. I realize that 30 weeks is a premature birth but I know that so much can be done to help babies born after 30 weeks that they can survive. 30 weeks and a baby can survive. 

So here I am writing about it. I was told that I need an outlet and a place to write down my feelings. The truth is, I have been wanting to write about my experiences for a long time. I have feared doing so for so many reasons. But right now, our/my need for your support far exceed my fear of being judged or making someone else feel uncomfortable. 

For anyone that cares to follow us on our new adventure, I will post updates here as I have them. 

In the meantime, we will take all of the help we can get. 

Thanks for the love and support.

-Adam and Lacey