Some Firsts

Unless you've experienced it for yourself, I don't think anything can prepare you for the emotion that hits you when you walk into the newborn ICU and see your tiny baby completely covered in cords and wires. Every time we check in to see her, I have to prepare myself mentally for it. It becomes an immediate mind game with myself. Which voice is going to win this time? The voice that sees a sick little micro preemie, or the voice that sees a feisty little warrior that is going to beat all of the odds? 

To be completely honest, each voice has won it's fair share of mental battles. 

We've experienced a few firsts with Dalley over the past few days. .....

1. I got to touch her for the first time. I got to hold her tiny little foot in my hand. I never knew I could be so happy to hold a foot. I also didn't know that holding a foot could make a person weep. Oh how I love that tiny foot with abnormally long toes. 

2. Adam got to touch her for the first time as well. He got to touch her head. He is usually the calm and steady one in the NICU but I could see his hand tremble a little when their skin first met. I love how much he loves her. 

3. We took our first family photo. :) 

4. Dalley received her first blood transfusion today. From what I have been told, this is pretty typical in a 24 week baby. They are constantly measuring her hematocrit level in her blood to make sure she has adequate amounts of red blood cells in her blood (Red blood cells carry oxygen to various parts of her body. Oxygen is essential for growth and nutrition to her body). Because she is so small, her body is not producing very many new red blood cells. Every time a blood sample is taken for a lab, her body is not able to replace it fast enough, so they gave her a blood transfusion to make sure she has adequate amounts of red blood cells. Because she is as young as she is, she is highly susceptible to bleeding on her brain, We won't know until Monday when they perform an ultrasound on her brain to see if there is any internal bleeding. Right now, the doctors and nurses don't suspect that she has any internal bleeding, but we can't rule it out for sure until Monday. So.... until Monday, just know that I am a nervous wreck.

All I want for Christmas is a bleed-free scan.  

There are several moments throughout the day that I start to feel completely overwhelmed and I honestly question myself and wonder if I can get through this. Every day is SO... INCREDIBLY..... HARD......! I start to think about time, about the future, and think, "I barely made it through today, how can I make it through several months?" 

But then  I look at our tiny little baby. She is resilient. She is feisty. She is a fighter. She is battling every single day just to make it to the next and that's all I can ask of her. And I realized today, that's all we can ask of ourselves as well.  One day at a time. One hurdle at a time. One victory at a time. If Dalley can do it, so can we. 

I've been assured that there will be many hard days in the future as a NICU parent. There will be bumps in the road and days when we feel like we can't go on. I wonder how I will cope with everything when Adam is back in school full time and isn't there every single day to calm me down. I also wonder how he will be able to maintain his busy school schedule with such a heavy load in his personal life. But we will keep up this fight for her.  Just like her, we will take it one day and one hurdle at a time. 

We have never been more determined to come out victorious as we have with this. We have to believe that she will continue to surprise us. We will be there for her. We thank you for being there for us.