Two Pounds

"And in corner number one.... weighing in at TWO POUNDS.... IS DAAAALLEY GARFIELD!"
(Dalley fist pumps air)

"I laugh in the face of danger." -Dalley

This little fighter had one heck of a week. The entire time Dalley has been intubated, she has been on a ventilator that oscillates. Instead of expanding and contracting like our mature lungs do, the oscillator gives hundreds of tiny breaths within a second. This type of ventilator is very loud and if you were to put your hand on Dalley, you would feel a constant vibration. Well, yesterday morning they decided to take her off the Jet ventilator (oscillator) and put her on just a conventional Drager ventilator that will make her lungs expand and contract like a mature lung. The transition went SO WELL!  It went so well that Dr. Yoder, the Neonatologist saw the settings that she was on last night and said that he wants to try to extubate her on Saturday and go to the next breathing aid. 

If she is able to handle the next transition, that will mean one less tube will be going down her throat. The reality is, the clear breathing tube that she has in right now is too small for her trachea. It fit her trachea when she was first born, but she has outgrown it. When she breaths, you can hear the air leaking around the tube and escaping back out. I think this is stressing her out and making her air hungry.

All afternoon she seemed so agitated. Nothing was calming her down. She just kept crying and crying and her heart rate was incredibly high. Her heart rate normally stays around the 150-160 bpm range, but this afternoon it was 180-200 bpm. When Dalley cries no sound comes out because the intubation tube is going between her vocal cords so it prevents any sound from escaping. When she cries, you can only see that she is crying. It's a silent cry and it's gut wrenching.

Nothing was calming her down. Getting her diaper changed, getting fed and even getting morphine for sedation would work. I was antsy and pacing the floor like I always do when it seems like something terrible is going to happen and I feel completely powerless. Finally, our nurse tried suctioning out her intubation tube and was able to retrieve a glob of mucus that had probably lodged itself up against the edge of the tube. Immediately after that her heart rate lowered a little bit and she was finally able to sleep.

I wish it were Saturday already so we can take out this tube that is too small. If she is unable to breath without being intubated, they will at least be able to intubate her with the next size of tube so it can help her breath better.

Today I held this little peanut for the second time. She was placed against my bare chest and we just sat together for hours. I felt every little movement. Her tiny little feet that would press against me. The feather light pressure of her hands against my skin. The rise of her chest when she would breath.

The first time I held her over a month ago I was scared. I thought it was too soon for her to be held. She was too small and too fragile.... and maybe that was all true. But when the nurse asked me if I wanted to hold her, I selfishly said yes. I wanted to hold my baby while she was alive. I wanted to feel her warmth and feel those tiny movements. At that point, I wasn't sure if she would survive long enough for me to be able to hold her again while she was alive.

For today to happen was nothing short of a miracle. I know that there are more people hoping and praying for us than we probably deserve. We could spend a thousand years saying thank you for the hope and faith that have got us to this point.

We still have such a long way to go. There are still so many hurdles to overcome and things can change from a daydream to a nightmare within a matter of moments. But we couldn't have gotten this far without this much support.

"Thank you for the prayers." - Dalley